When is a church not a church?

Sunday. 10.55am.\n\nPeople spread across a church building. Capacity 250. Occupancy 25.\n\n11.05am. The vicar (late) gives the notices (10 minutes) and announces the first hymn.\n\nOther liturgical stuff until\n\n11.30am. Sermon (obscure and opinionated), but with no adrenaline to power it all collective energy has dissipated.\n\nEveryone – vicar, organist, congregation – slogs through the next 45 minutes.\n\n12.15pm. Coffee (cool) … (no, that’s really, cool, as in tepid).\n\nThen home (phew!).\n\nThank goodness that’s over for another week.